A 2006-2010 government survey showed that 20% of marriages end in divorce within 5 years and 48% of marriages dissolve by the 20 year mark. Obviously an incredibly high percentage of failed marriages for couples who go into the marriage expecting success. Men and women have high hopes when they enter into a marriage and when it doesn’t work out, the pain is intense. Divorce is highly emotional and many couples struggle making decisions and finding solutions that will work for everyone involved. But it can happen – and it can happen in a very healthy way.
The divorce lawyers in Phoenix at Lasiter & Jackson have seen many couples go through the divorce process and create toxic situations for themselves and those around them. But, we have also seen couples breaking up and choosing to take the best route for themselves and for their ex-spouse. There is a way to have a healthy divorce, you just have to be open to creating a healthy situation.
The end of a divorce brings a flood of emotions – most of which are incredibly painful and can create high levels of anger, anxiety, fear and depression. The key to a healthy divorce is to keep the emotions in check and focus your efforts on staying cooperative, communicative, and allow others to help mediate conflict.
One of the reasons that divorcing couples find the divorce process to be so challenging is because they are caught off guard. They may not be prepared for the separation or to give up what their spouse is asking. They may not be emotionally prepared to deal with the conflict of feelings. All of this makes it incredibly difficult to manage the day-to-day complexities of the divorce.
Stay open to how you deal with the conflict. Make a deal with yourself to remain cooperative for everyone’s sake. What would you do if you if you were acting out of love? Would you be more willing to compromise? Would you be more open to communication and sorting out a strategy?
Try to think of your separation as a resolve to move forward in life. The divorce does not have to feel like a battle if you make the choice to observe it differently. Be the first to request mediation and be open to negotiations. Find opportunities to show your spouse that you care, even though this is a difficult situation. But working through the difficult parts of the divorce can put you in a healthier place all around. Your cooperation will help resolve any divorce disputes and allow the case to proceed, saving you time, money and essential energy that you need to heal.
Think about your kids. If your divorce involves child custody and child support, you are not the only one being affected emotionally. To make things easier for your children and to help them cope and heal – your healthy actions are going to be key. Your children need to see you work through conflict and find resolution in a healthy way so that they can adjust to the change. The more conflict they see, the harder the divorce will be on them. You may find it best to talk to a psychologist to understand how your children may be affected and how your actions can affect them. This will help you move through your divorce, making healthy choices that are best for everyone.
Ongoing parental conflict increases kids’ risk of psychological and social problems. Keep the lines of communication with your children open. It can be valuable for them to present a plan to your children with your spouse so that they have an idea of what to expect and how their parents plan to transition from a married family to a divorced family. The more that they can understand and expect, the easier it will be for them to move forward.
Don’t forget to take time for yourself and to take care of yourself. Divorce is emotional and tense and can leave divorced couples feeling lost, anxious, and alone. Take the time you need to rest and recharge. Be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. When you don’t know what step to take next – remember that the divorce lawyers at Lasiter and Jackson are professionals and experienced in Phoenix divorces. We know the laws, we know your rights, and we know how to advise you to make the choices that are best for you. Call us today!